I mean he really broke my heart. I’m ok now but back then? I was a mess. But I realized that although my love for him will never die, it will slowly shrink to fit a small box. And that box will always live inside my heart. And the next one will take over that big space I call my heart but once in a while, I’ll revisit that box and it’ll hurt because the hinges will be rusty when I open it. Even though I know it’ll hurt, I’ll still try to open that box because it’s going to live in my heart and I might as well learn to live with the pain than pretend that it’s not a part of me.

The trick is, I’ll fall in love again but I need to remember that he’s going to have his boxes too.

Something I wrote to my friend about because I always feel very comfortable with expressing my emotions to her 🙂 

I Don’t Get It?

Can someone explain to me why a guy would publicly tell you that he likes you and then when you give him the green light, he just disappears?

I know cynics will say that life is not just about a guy and I suppose that’s true.

But I think I like him too. So when you’re safely over your ex and are beginning to like another person and that person apparently has held a torch for you for close to the decade, why would he just suddenly disappear?

What makes all of this weird is we have mutual friends so I can’t even talk about this openly because it just doesn’t work like that.

Seriously, what is going on?

And if it helps, he’s a Scorpio.

He Didn’t Call

He Didn’t Call

This sums up the last 4 months of my life

The Fickle Heartbeat

Waiting on Myself.

Shared by lifeisrozie

I’m sitting here on my bed, laptop on my legs, trying to distract myself from my own awful feelings of inadequacy and loneliness by watching a series.

Another man, another disappointment.

I’ve raided every cupboard and potential hiding place in the house for anything sweet and stuffed with calories in a desperate attempt to feel both better and worse about myself. Better, because at least by allowing myself these treats I feel a sense of pampering.
Worse, because I already feel fat just thinking about what I am eating – but at least by feeling fat I can think of a reason why he hasn’t called.

Why hasn’t he called?

I have never in my life had a man ignore me in this way before. Sure, I’ve had men treat me in a way that I knew I deserved better – but never outright ignore me.


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20 December 2013

It was exactly a year ago that I last saw him.

It was also exactly a year ago that I had my arm around his waist and the last thing that I wanted to do was let him go.

Two days later, he was back in his home country and I was mentally calculating the time difference between his timezone and mine.

A year later, we’re not talking to each other. Saying hello to each other is an impossibility.

How did we come to this? How did we go from being inseparable to mere acquaintances?

Sometimes I wonder if he still misses me anymore or if I’ve been replaced. Does he even realize that it was a year ago that we said goodbye? Does he even realize that it was a year ago that it all really began?

I’ve been missing him a lot lately. I don’t know if it’s because the new Hobbit movie reminds me of how excited he was to watch it last year. Or how he had attempted to ask me out to watch it with him but because he was so indirect, I ended up telling him to watch it with someone else and he’d gotten really mad about it. I miss talking to him. I really do. I miss our conversations so much and I hate knowing that we’re not in each others’ lives anymore, that we’re not even friends.

I miss him.

Can Guys and Girls “Just be Friends”?

Can Guys and Girls “Just be Friends”?

Relevant. Always relevant.

The Fickle Heartbeat


Shared by zombiedrew2

A buddy of mine (who happens to be married) recently came across an old girlfriend, and they ended up going for lunch and catching up on each other’s lives. He mentioned this to me because they ended up exchanging numbers and talked about getting together again, and he wasn’t sure if it was a good idea. Especially because he enjoyed seeing her, and it brought back happy memories of the times they shared.

For anyone who’s a regular reader on, I’m pretty sure you can guess my advice. Umm, did I mention that he’s married? Yeah, he is. From talking to people, and reading assorted relationship books and blogs I know his situation is far from unique. I’ve touched on thoughts on straying when your relationship is in a rut and on affairs before. But I thought this story provided me with an opportunity to…

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Relapse Part I Lost Track of the Number of Times

So I’ve been thinking of the ex a little bit lately. Maybe it’s because it’s almost Christmas and this time last year, we were just inseparable.

I’m missing him less and less now. Less doesn’t mean that I don’t miss him at all. At least I’ve stopped checking his Whatsapp window.

(goes to check his Whatsapp window)


At least he still hasn’t blocked me.

I don’t celebrate Christmas but all the decorations and music and festivities are making me melancholic because UGH. I miss sharing Christmas decoration photos with him.

It’s weird, isn’t it? How the little things set the memories off?


Two of my exs told me to watch Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. When I watched it the first time, I didn’t quite get it. The second time around, though, I understood that what the movie represented, at least to me.

You can run all you want but if a person is meant to be in your life, he or she will be in your life regardless.Life will find a way to throw the both of you back together. It also meant that when love is pain and obsession and possession to a person, it will only drive the other person crazy. Clementine was a free spirit. The only way to hold on to a free spirit is to let her go.

Maybe there’s something behind the fact that two men in my past have asked me to watch this movie. Maybe I’m daft but I still can’t seem to understand what it could mean in reference to us.

A month ago, my Breakup Buddy asked me if I was ready to watch 500 Days of Summer yet. I told her that I wasn’t ready to die again.

But today, I think I am. I think I’m at that place where I can handle it. Wish me luck!