Are You A Hypocrite When You’re Nice To Everyone?

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Are you considered a hypocrite when you’re nice to everyone?

Am I being too naive when I say I’d rather be nice to everyone than be selective on who I’m supposed to be nice to?

Maybe it’s because I’ve come to realize that as an adult, you cannot help but learn on how to network yourself. Maybe it’s because one of the greatest pleasures in life is the ability to learn from the different types of people that you come across in your day-to-day activities.

Or maybe it’s because you’ll never know when that acquaintance or friend will prove to be useful or helpful in the future.

I suppose I’m asking this question because I was caught in a moral dilemma recently. There was an external voice, in the form of a friend, who said (in passing) that she’d rather be alone than be surrounded by people she’s not familiar with. Although I’ll have to agree with her to a certain extent, I cannot help but wonder if that’s a smart life decision.

Yes, you will be surrounded with people you like and trust. However, how will you ever learn about how humans are when you don’t allow yourself the opportunity to meet new people, regardless of their backgrounds? Some people will be annoying, some just plain rude, some will be really lovely and some barely human. However, all these people deserve a chance. Choosing to interact with people only because you’re forced to due to external reasons and then deciding later on whether you will be friends with them (because they are conveniently there) is just…not productive, in my opinion.

Today, I had an impromptu coffee chat with my ex-boss. He’s a lovely man who, during his stay with my company, has taught me many things about tolerance, patience, and the power of speaking only when you have something important to contribute to.

My friendship with him did not come without negative whispers from other colleagues. In a world where academia is supposed to generate ideas that are meant to help the future generation, the level of office politics that occurs within the academic walls will put the profession to shame. When egos are at stake, some individuals cannot help but feel like they deserve more even if it means they will have to lie for it.

That was what happened. Some lied. And the liars were not happy that my ex-boss was giving opportunities towards those who have proven their worth. It was not an ideal situation at work. But I also learnt that sometimes, you may accidentally jump into the viper’s pit but it doesn’t mean that you can’t figure your way out again. You may get bitten once or twice but what matters is that you find ways to help you out. In life, those ‘things’ that will help you out are the friendships that you make along the way.

Personally, I feel life is really too short to choose your friends. It’s better to be get to know as many people as possible than to limit yourself to just a selected few. Maybe I’m wrong, though.

Believing That You Are Enough

No amount of Mariah Carey Hero-Can’t Take That Away-Make It Happen replays will be enough when you are stuck with low confidence.

Growing up, I suffered from horrible low self-confidence. It has been a painfully slow journey to help repair years of verbal trauma I received from kids in school. As a grown up, and on certain days, I’ve come to realize that the words that they used to taunt me with were reflections of their own insecurities, not mine. But because they were said to my face too often, they became my own insecurities and it took some really special individuals and an extremely strong mom to help turn my thoughts around, most of the time.

You can’t truly escape insecurities. They will always be there. Sometimes, although you really don’t want them to, they rule your thoughts and emotions. How does a person change that around, then? How do you let tell the difference between your insecurities and your limitations?

There are a lot of psychiatrists who will be able to help people out. I’m not one of them. But what I do have is experience. Although I’m still trying to deal with a lot of things that I don’t feel like I’m good enough for, there are some life lessons that I’ve learnt which have helped shaped who I am today.

First, I’ve discovered that being to believe that you are good enough, you need to listen to that voice inside of you that wants to achieve those goals. If that voice says that you want it, then you need to work on making sure that you can get it. The insecurities that will inevitably come will drown out your determination and that is when you need to take a step back and realize that your insecurities shouldn’t have power over you. How would they know? You haven’t even tried yet. And so what if you failed? The thing is, you.have.not.tried.yet. And until you do, you will never know.

Secondly, if there is someone out there who seems to have negative vibes whenever they are around you, you need to understand that it says more about them than it does about you. Negative people are trying to deflect their own insecurities by bringing you down. It’s only when they see you faltering that they are able to boost their confidence in themselves. People who feed off other people’s insecurities are hollow inside because they use other human beings to validate themselves. Perhaps they will find something that will make them happy and feel validated one day. But until then, measuring your worth based on how they see you will only turn you into a smaller version of yourself and make you blind towards your full potential.

You are lucky to be who you are. Sometimes we forget that we have a lot of blessings in our lives because we are so focused on the things that we want. Sometimes, when a person rejects us, we feel like we’re the lowest of human beings and that they are right up there close to the best of them. We want their acknowledgement, we want their acceptance, we want their attention. The problem is, when we fight to make them notice us, we don’t realize that it will only be considered as desperate. We may think it doesn’t look desperate but who are we kidding, really? And this is something that I’ve had to struggle a lot with lately. If they were not able to see your worth while you were with them and when things were good, what makes us think they’ll be able to see your worth now that you’re apart and things are relatively bad? No amount of passive aggressive coaxing will be enough. And if you’re trying to fix a relationship, or trying to get over one, no contact only works when it’s really no contact. Not no contact but your Facebook/Instagram/Twitter is suddenly blowing up with things that you never did when you were with that person. Someone told me that they classiest way to deal with rejection is to just move away and carry on with your life like the person’s absence is insignificant. Maybe it’ll bring the person back. Maybe the person will just walk away. But what’s the point in putting in hard work to make someone notice you when around you, you have so many other people who already love you and can’t imagine not having you in their lives? You didn’t have to work hard to get their attention, did you? And you’re happy with them, aren’t you? You are responsible for your worth. Don’t decrease its value just because of one person.

It’s not easy to believe that you are truly enough. I know that I have days where I feel like I am the worst excuse of a human being when things just won’t right. But I’ve also come to realize that no matter how ‘great’ another person is, that should not devalue my greatness as well. Sometimes, we need to learn to believe in ourselves, especially since other people seem to.

Yesteryda

Aggressive Optimism

I was on (of all the websites a 31-year-old could visit) Tumblr and came across this post:

“I am a positive person but I get really tired of aggressive optimism. If someone’s sad, let them be sad. All emotions have purpose. Sadness isn’t destructive if not prolonged. Sadness isn’t unproductive, as it offers awareness. Telling someone to “cheer up” or “be happy” is so ineffective and patronizing. The last thing a sad person needs is for someone to judge their feelings as pointless and unappealing. Welcome sadness, just don’t let it consume you.”

It’s nice to finally have this put in words. There is so much truth behind this. And it’s worse if the person keeps telling you that you need to get over it or that you should be happier faster.

It was something I had begun to notice recently while I was going through my process of healing.

People that I thought were my closest friends would tell me to stop talking about him whenever I needed to vent. They would tell me that they wanted to change to a happier topic whenever I started sounding upset. They would say that he wasn’t worth it before I was even able to talk about him. I began to feel like my feelings were not validated and that I was not accepted as a person as long as I stayed sad. It was as if I would only be considered ‘fun to be around’ if I reverted back to the old me – the one I was before I met him.

If a person is sad, let the person BE sad, asking the person to be happier faster is selfish because the truth of the matter is, you don’t want to deal with the sad person because you’re unsure of what to do.