People have begun to suspect that something is different. Admittedly, perhaps I have not really been very secretive when it comes to talking about him. Little hints have been dropped here and there on Twitter and Tumblr. It’s not that I’m trying to play coy so that people will ask me. In fact, it’s the opposite.

I’m doing that because that’s all that people really need to know about what is going on. That I’m with someone…and that’s it.

Because I’ve learnt that not everyone will be happy with you. They might act like they are or that they want to listen to your issues but the reality is that they are more than happy to just revel in the fact that you are not happy with your situation. Try telling them how happy you are and you can see their faces scrunch up inwardly.

So I’ve made a vow to only let a few people in. These people are people that I trust. They are people that I know will have my best interests at heart. They are also people that I know trust me to do what is right without having to latch on to every single detail.

I’m still trying to figure this thing out. I know that I run the risk of jinxing this everytime I talk about how happy I am with his presence in my life. But I need to understand that anything can happen. I shouldn’t be afraid of the future because I know I will be able to handle it. Also, I need to understand that to participate in this friendship takes more effort than it does with a friendship that is in front of our own eyes. So why choose this friendship when it is difficult to maintain? Maybe it’ll be worth it. Maybe.

Right now, all I can do is pray.

Sometimes, I Guess There Is A Second Chance

2013 was weird. I remember the year starting 0ut like any ordinary year. Nothing special.

2013 ended with me being caught in the middle of a weird pseudo-relationship with him.

2014 began with us together at New Year’s Eve.

2014 ended with me crying in the dark because he was no longer a part of my life.

2015 began with me telling myself that I will somehow survive this.

2015 ended with us on New Year’s Day together because Whatsapp legit died at his timezone during my midnight and he ran out of battery and had to tell his friend to upload a status about it and oh it was just a catastrophic mess.

It’s 2016 now.

2 months after we became friends again.

And I’m…happy. We’re happy. I can’t believe I’m able to use the pronoun ‘we’ to represent the both of us but we are. And I can’t believe that I am able to truly call him one of my closest friends now.

We’ve talked more within the last 2 months than we did in the span of one year that we were together. He’s let me in to his life in more ways than I could have ever imagined.

He told me I was a priority. I’ve wanted to hear a lot of things from him. But I didn’t realize until last week that this was what I wanted to hear the most.

I realize that I made mistakes too and that I have to change some of my ways too. I’m trying. But what I am also determined to do now is to enjoy what we have and be comfortable in the knowledge that I feel…secure.

With him, it really does feel like I’m home.