Facebook, How I Loathe Thee

Taking a break from the Alphabets of a Heartbreak posts because what I have to write about requires more than just a couple of sentences.

This week has been a pretty solid week for me. The emotional ups and downs were less, the Facebook stalking was less, and there were times when he wasn’t even on my mind (as much as he usually is, which is all the time).

Instead of celebrating, I’m actually scared. I feel guilty and paranoid.

“What if this is the calm before the storm? What if it will be worse next week?”

“Is this high going to come with an unbearable low soon?”

Irrational, isn’t it? When you’re supposed to be celebrating the fact that you’re not an emotional basket case, here I am, suspicious that I am actually calm.

Is this normal?

Maybe it’s because his birthday is next week and Valentine’s Day is coming up. I’m expecting incredibly mushy posts on his Facebook wall. I mean, let’s be real, of course I’m going to go on Facebook to see despite what all those self-help How to Get Over a Broken Heart articles tell you. I usually practice self restraint but let’s not aim too high okay?

A lot of friends have expressed concerns about me still being friends with him on Facebook. To a certain extent, I wish he’d block me first. To a certain extent, I wish he’d block me on everything so that I can finally see him do SOMETHING.

As childish as this sounds, I don’t want to lose. If I unfriend him first, it means that I’ve lost. And I’ve lost so much of my dignity already that I cannot lose this too.

 

People say that you shouldn’t be concerned about your ex’s social media after a break-up. The people who say that don’t know anything about the psychological warfare that occurs through passive aggressive posts in the first few months after a break-up. Every post will be analyzed. Every post is potentially a symbol for something.

I’ve blocked him from seeing my updates on Facebook although we’re friends on it. Yesterday, I shared a public post about the maritime industry. Actual conversation with my Breakup Buddy:

Me: By the way, I posted a maritime based post on fb and had to make it public

BB: Aww someone would be surprised to see that lol

Me: Hahaha and try to figure out WHAT THOSE DAMN CONTAINER SHIPS MEAN?!?!? (Nothing cause it’s my damn job) 

BB: Read into that, bitch 

I love my Breakup Buddy.

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Breakup Buddies

Just A Little Backstory

I had my first major breakup when I was 18. It was my first relationship ever and we were both consumed with ourselves. I used to write short stories, he used to write poetry. We’d express our feelings towards each other through our preferred mediums. Six months later, the relationship crashed and burned like an epic love story gone wrong. That was in 2002. Fast-forward to 2014 and apparently, he’s still not over us. I’m over him but I have to admit that he did set the bar pretty high when it came to the type of guys I fell for after him. So high in fact that no man has ever come close to it except for this one that I’m trying to get over.

So that means that it’s going to be a bumpy recovery.

On To The Point Of This Post

So the thing is, words have always been synonymous to love and heartbreak for me. I’ve come to learn that it’s what you say and how you say things that makes the biggest difference. Words can hurt, and words can soothe. Words can heal and words can kill.

And sometimes, through words, when they are found in books, can make things just a little bit better.

Last week, I downloaded Greg Behrendt and Amiira Ruotola-Behrendt’s book, It’s Called A Breakup Because It’s Broken onto my Kindle. I was beginning to find myself repeating the same things over and over again to my friend, or Breakup Buddy as the book calls it, so I knew that it was time I seek some help from self-help books. And I didn’t want to buy the book at the bookstore because do I really need to tell the whole world that I am going through a breakup?

Hello salt, meet my open wound.

So Kindle it was and like a teenage boy secretly reading his first adult magazine, I pawed through it like a crazy person.

“Being brokenhearted is like having broken ribs. On the outside it looks like nothing’s wrong, but every breath hurts. Let’s just say my ribs were broken for a long time.” 

It’s through though. No one can see it. And maybe that’s why it’s so hard to talk about it sometimes. Because you don’t want people to see your pain. But at the same time, maybe that’s why you can’t seem to stop talking about it. Because you want people to understand that you are going through pain.

I’ve been luckily enough to have friends around me who are willing to be my Breakup Buddies. Breakup Buddies are heaven sent. They are blessed with patience that is incomparable. It takes an extra patient saint to be able to tolerate a person’s constant whining, crying, screaming, wailing and over-analyzing about her ex and still have the patience to be objective and supportive while providing constructive criticisms towards your behaviour. Like, for real, I’m buying each of my Breakup Buddies a little gift next month as a thank you because they deserve it (and more).

In It’s Called a Breakup Because It’s Broken, they’ve listed the qualities that a Breakup Buddy should have to ensure that the recovery process will be able to go on as smoothly as possible. They are:

  1. Has at least a mild knowledge of your relationship
  2. Is a good listener or is good at pretending they are
  3. Thinks you’re the cat’s pajamas!
  4. Has a cell phone, pager, or other reliable way of being contacted
  5. Lives in close enough proximity to be accessible during emergency breakup meltdowns
  6. Has an hour a day to talk to you should you need them
  7. Has been through a breakup as well
  8. Does not work as a professional clown

Every girl going through a breakup needs a Breakup Buddy. We can’t do this alone. And although number 5 is sort of necessary, my journey has shown me that the person does not necessarily have to be there physically sometimes as long as they are there when you reach out.

See, the ugly truth about girl friendships is your friendship can be awesome but it is never truly tested until one of you goes through a breakup. You can be surprised at who is able to handle you at your weakest state and who isn’t.

My next book: Mars and Venus Starting Over!